As adults we tend to be on the run. We have a thousand things that need to be accomplished on any given day and don’t have the time to deal with each individual “crisis” that a child may bring to our attention. We launch quickly into “fix-it” mode and tell the child to “go play with something else”, we tell the sibling to “say you’re sorry” and move past the hurt and squabble that is going on, or we tell them we will deal with it later. We want our children to move at the same pace we move at. Unfortunately they can’t. Their concept of time is just different. Remember when summer felt like forever? How it seemed like an eternity before your next birthday or the next milestone? Each event in a child’s life is significant because they are only focused on the immediate and are cognitively unable to see the bigger picture. As parents and caregivers we must remember and understand this concept. Even when it seems insignificant it is important to them.
So what then shall we do?
- We validate, validate, validate. In other words, we express understanding. We acknowledge their feelings and their point of view. For example, “I see that you are really frustrated by your toy being broken” or “I understand that your brother hurt your feelings”, or “You seem really sad right now”. By validating their feelings or point of view you not only give them attention but significance which is vital to a child’s self-worth.
- We slow down and give a few minutes out of our day to listen to a child. Listen for understanding and insight into the child’s life and how they process situations.
- We encourage the child to be part of the “fix-it” process. Ask them “What do you think we should do about this?” Problem-solving is vital in adulthood! So start them young in learning this concept.
So next time you find yourself trying to accomplish it all and deal with the crisis at hand, remember it’s ok to take time to validate, slow down and problem solve together. We might just raise a generation we can be proud of.